selfish thoughts...

had my first classes for the year today. the whole school atmosphere felt kind of surreal probably because my mind and body is still very much in vacation mode. just a day has passed and i am missing my bumming sessions badly...

school had a fairly good start for me though...he/she/it (wahahah!!!) kind of made my day...God really moves in ways you least expect Him to.:D

this day got me to thinking though....

one of life's wonders are things and even people that/who can make you feel giddy with happiness yet sulking in sadness, extremely contented yet somehow unsatisfied, confident yet insecure all at the same time.

i sometimes think that life would be much different if i could do things my way, wherein i could give all the incidents in my life a bit of tweaking so as to avoid the negative feelings and achieve only happiness, contentment and confidence.:D selfish eh? don't worry...i know that this would never happen. first of all, i do not have the power to have control over everything around me because others are also moving about in their own lives as i am in my own. they are experiencing changes and making choices as much as i am. although i am fully aware that this selfish thought will never ever come to reality, it still springs out once in a while during times when i really really want something but know that no matter what i do, it/he/she(again..hehe) isn't for me.

i don't really ask for much....and it's sad knowing that it is possible for that one thing you've been wanting to move in a path separate from yours & make choices that do not jive with your own.

what makes it even more difficult is seeing this happen right before your eyes because of how close it/he/she (wahaha...again!) to you.

we won't really get everything we wish for,no matter how strongly we want it...this is the sad and inescapable truth we have to live with...